...and what have you done with the real Giants?

When the real Freddy Sanchez returns to earth, and the mashed up combination of the DNA of Ted Williams and Mango from late '90's Saturday Night Live that has been playing in his place is returned to the aliens, he will ask what happened.

When the real Cody Ross returns to earth, and the mashed up combination of the DNA of Babe Ruth and Rob Corddry that has been playing in his place is returned to the aliens, he will ask what happened.

When the real Edgar Renteria is returned to earth, and the mashed up DNA of Ozzie Smith and the Draw Me Turtle that has been playing in his place is returned to the aliens, he will ask what happened.

Looks like we might have a good story for them.

Speaking of DNA, mine prevents me from declaring this World Series a done deal. We have a travel day, Arlington, Texas, and a Jonathan Sanchez road start to get through. But, there have been 50 teams in the history of Baseball to go up 2-0 in the Fall Classic. 41 of them have won the series. The team that is currently up 2-0 looks loose, groovy and is making all the right moves. The other team alternates between looking dejected and looking like they are unraveling. And their DNA is made of pop ups.

It feels good to be in the driver's seat.

Predicting the Unpredictable

As I did before the NLDS and the NLCS, I visited ESPN's website to check out what their resident experts had to say about the upcoming World Series and... Surprise! They unanimously predicted that the Texas Rangers would win the series.

The experts are going out on a limb here and reasoning that the Rangers have a better offense than the Giants. Hmm - I hadn't thought of it that way. That's some hard-hitting sports journalism. Surely, you might think, the Giants have had dominant starting pitching all season, so they have the edge there, right? Not so fast, my dear simple-minded fan. Here's another edgy insight for you: The Rangers 1-2-3 might be just as good. In fact, their number one starter is making history in the post season and might have a slight edge over Tim Lincecum. This is some real, Bob Costasy, Outside the Linesy type stuff.

I don't really disagree with this assessment of the two teams, but I am tired of hearing it. And it's not just because I'm a homer who doesn't like to hear anything bad the Giants. I know the Giants have their weaknesses. I will fully admit that, with a few exceptions, the Giants are sketchy defensively, show the patience of a kid on Christmas morning at the plate, and on the basepaths, most of them look like plumbers running to catch the van after they forgot to put on the parking brake. I would feel a lot more confident about their chances in the World Series if these things weren't true.

But the Braves series and the Phillies series didn't play out according to the conventional assessment of the teams, and I don't think this one will either. I think the national writers and experts are finally starting the realize that Bochy is a shrewd game manager, but could they - or anyone - have forseen him being able to stitch together a patchwork quilt of Affeldt, Bumgarner, Lopez, Lincecum, and Wilson for the win after Sanchez' meltdown? Two starters, two bullpen guys and your closer for seven innings of scoreless relief?

If one improbable thing can happen, then why can't they just keep happening? Here are my predictions for the World Series, which I maintain are just as probable as any other result:

- The Giants beat Cliff Lee in Game One. He's been dominant, but he's a strike thrower. He doesn't pitch out of the zone, but he should because the Giants are hacks and that's what they swing and miss at: garbage pitches out of the zone. Juan Uribe and Cody Ross, who both have good lifetime numbers on Lee, go deep.

- The Giants go 2-0 at AT & T, partly because of the advantage they have there but mostly because Matt Cain. Josh Hamilton's drives continue to die in triples alley, and in the late innings he is vexed by Javi Lopez. After two games, Hamilton is 1 for 8 with two strikeouts.

-In Texas, the homefield advantage is neutralized in the same way it was in Philly (The Giants hit four home runs in Citizens' Bank Park to the Phillies' four). They outhomer the Rangers in the three games there four to two, on their way to winning games four and five.

So, yes, I'm saying Giants in five. Improbable, but would you really be that surprised?

World Series!

My heart rate - which first quickened during Sanchez' meltdown in the first inning and skyrocketed during the eighth and ninth - has finally stabilized. I've come to terms with the fact that this Giants team that I adore - a team that will probably not score more than five runs in any game for the remainder of the postseason - will in fact play in the World Series and I am not dreaming. I've liked all of my friends' Giants related stati on Facebook.

In a few days, I'll start complaining about all of the sports experts' inevitable predictions that the Rangers will prevail, and trying to fight off bad memories from 1989 and 2002. Today, I'm allowing myself only to savor this moment, and reflect on the moments and images of this NLCS:

- Jonathan Sanchez last night, glove out, not even reaching for the ball that Chase Utley casually flipped to him after getting beaned, and letting it fall to the ground.

- Pablo Sandoval at second base, clapping and waving his arms and pointing to the sky after finally coming through with his bat by blasting a two run double in Game 4, being cheered on by the San Francisco fans who wanted so desperately to see the Pablo of 2009, and finally did.

- Tim Lincecum getting out of a jam in Game 5, and telling Jimmy Rollins who had just been stranded on third, "Stay there!" on his way back to the dugout.

- Cody Ross' grin, wherever it was found.

- Juan Uribe's half flip of the bat in Game 4, outdone only by Part II: Full Flip in Game 6.

- Everything said and done by Brian Wilson. My favorite person in the universe got even favoriter.

Four more wins. Just four more.

Repositioning Frowns so that the Top Side Faces Downward

Following a heartbreaker like last night's, fans of the team on the losing end hear a lot of sports cliches on radio, and read them in print and computer screens. These cliches are designed to make us feel better about our team's situation. Here is one of my (usually) least favorite:

"If someone had told you in April that the Giants would be up 3-2 following Game Six in the NLCS, you would have taken it."

Of course I would have taken it. But I've watched enough sports to know that that phrase is only said in the aftermath of something really heartbreaking happening. So I would have known that this future guy who is telling me this knows about the aforementioned heartbreak. "What happened Future Man! What horrible thing just happened to my Giants!!!"

But there are a lot of things to take from this particular cliche:

The Phillies are an awesome, awesome team. Their lineup is full of threats top to bottom. They have an amazing starting three pitchers. I knew this before the series started but after watching five games I know now that it wasn't just hype. Something I learned while watching the series is that Rollins and Werth are incredible defenders.

What's encouraging is not just that we are up 3-2 but in games the Phillies win, they are not blowing the Giants away. The fact that these Giants, with this lineup, are in the position that they are in right now, while playing their style of baseball is what is amazing.

The Giants drew the Phillies into their kind of fight. There's been one game for each team that was a decisive victory (Game Three for the Giants, Game Two for the Phillies), but besides that it has been tight games, with the team making the least amount of mistakes winning.

We have to not lose two in a row. And we won't, as long as we make the least amount of mistakes.

So what if we're going back to Philadelphia? The ballpark itself is not as much of advantage to the home team; We've hit more home runs in the two games there than they have. And the fans? I don't think fans affect the outcome of the game as much as we think they do. They can scream and yell all they want, but these guys are professionals. In all the outfield flies that have been hit by a home team in the history of baseball, how many of them have been accompanied by the fans screaming for the opposing defender to drop it? Probably all of them. What percentage of those are dropped because of the screaming? 0.01%? 0.001%? It's only annoying for us Giants fans watching Phillies fans freak out when something bad happens to the Giants, but we're not on the field.

Bruce Bochy is so even keeled he's almost dead. The players are calm and focused and they have no need to fear THE GREATEST TEAM OF ALL TIME THE PHILLIES. They played THE GREATEST TEAM OF ALL TIME THE PHILLIES five times already and they turned out to be a team that the Giants are capable of beating.

Full speed ahead, Giants. Steady as she goes.

Spoiler Alert!

Predictions for the homestand portion of the NLCS. These things will actually happen:

In Game Three, Aaron Rowand starts in center field and leads off, Edgar Renteria starts at short and bats second, and just to add more agony to the fan experience, Bochy puts Candy Maldonado in right.

Cole Hamels only lasts until the bottom of the fifth, when he storms off the mound, hurt that he's not getting any catcalls and whistles from the opposing fans like Tim Lincecum did.

In a first inning jam, Game Four Starter Madison Bumgarner strikes out Ryan Howard swinging with two runners in scoring position to end the inning. He then makes his first emotional display of the post season by clearing his throat and blinking.

Joe Buck and Time McCarver continue to ruffle critics by comparing Raul Ibanez' seventh inning throwing error to the dramatic twist of last week's "Human Target"

In the fourth inning of Game Five, Cody Ross hits one more home run to break slugger Jeffery Leonard's record for most in an NLCS. If that wasn't impressive enough, he also hits it with one flap down.

Sergio Romo shaves his beard in the dugout, hoping that Bruce Bochy will think he's Javier Lopez and bring him in to pitch the eighth.

In the post game press conference after Game Five, a confused Philadelphia reporter misinteprets the Giants' unofficial slogan and asks Bruce Bochy to explain why he supports torture.

Giants win two out of three in San Francisco and go back to Philly leading 3-2 in the series.

My Favorite Picture So Far This Week

Starting pitchers for Saturday's NLCS Game One?

Or the graduation day scene from a tearjerker about one high school teacher's passion for Geometry, and his commitment not to just teach it to the hoodlums who ditch school for the skate park, but to touch their lives as well?

Why the Giants Will Beat the Phillies

It's already been decided that the Phillies are not only going to beat the Giants in the NLCS, but absolutely steamroll them on the way to their third straight World Series. In fact, the Giants ought to be ashamed of themselves for having the gall to try to compete with the future Hall of Famers on this budding dynasty. John Kruk himself is offended at the Giants' display of hubris, but will soon reap the reward of poetic justice once the Giants slink back into their clubhouse after the eventual sweep.

We Giants fans are falling into two categories right now. Type one are those who feel that although our orange heroes are overmatched and will probably lose the series, it doesn't matter because we have far exceeded expectations. After the Braves series was over, I was firmly a type one. To borrow a term my buddy Kelly applied effectively to the sports world during the Golden State Warriors 2007 playoff run after they upset the Mavericks, I felt like we were gambling with house money. We already made it farther than I thought, so who cares what happens?

However, I now feel like I'm transforming into the second type, who sees not only why the Giants will show up and bring some fight to this series, but why they can actually win it. I could be getting overconfident, but since I'm a fan and not a player, it doesn't matter. So without further ado, here are the three reasons the Giants will eliminate the Phillies and advance to the World Series:

1. The Great Phillies Lineup Was Not-So-Great Against the Reds

A few analysts are bringing up the fact that the Giants and the Phillies both hit .212 in their respective NLDS. That alone reflects well enough on the Giants considering the superiority of Philadelphia's lineup. But I don't feel like anybody is talking about the fact the Phillies' opponent was a Reds team that got to the post season on the strength of their hitting and wasn't exactly blowing anybody away with their pitching. I expected the Phillies to explode, but they mustered just one home run and four extra base hits for the series to go along with that .212 average. Versus the Reds? In tiny ballparks? Even though the Giants bats will be quiet in this series, expect Lincecum, Cain, and Sanchez to neutralize Philadelphia's offense and level the playing field.

2. Bochy is a More Tested Game Manager than Manuel

Bruce Bochy and Phillies' manager Charlie Manuel have similar formulas for victory: Get seven or eight innings out of your starters, hand it off to the reliable setup guy, hand it off to the reliable closer. In the Braves series, though, Bochy had to weather two meltdowns from the setup guy, and had to reorganize the lineup constantly to find the guy who could get the big hit while keeping reliable gloves in the field. Manuel might be able to email the lineup cards for the whole series to the umps on Friday night. Also, Phillies fans I've been chatting with have a lot of complaints about Manuel's decision-making. True, fans love to rip their managers and are not always objective. But the other side of that coin is that a lot of Bochy critics I know are starting to come around to him, which I see as a testament to his emerging shrewdness.

3. Karma

While the Phillies spent this week eating cheese steaks and getting thrown out of strip clubs, the Giants banded together to free the trapped miners in Chile. Okay, not the Giants per se. I understand some people from NASA also might have been involved. But my point stands that the Phillies not only won a World Series as recently as two years ago, they're probably already looking ahead to this year's fall classic in haste. The Giants, on the other hand, are humble and lovable and their fans are long-suffering. They would never feel entitled to victory. And for that, we should be entitled to victory (That's how karma works).

These games are going to be low-scoring, close, tense and sweaty, and are going to come down to one or two timely hits. This won't be easy. And that's exactly what the Giants are used to.

Prediction: Giants in Seven.